Anthony Stuart

Chapter 1

2007-11-03T07:27:39Z

Nanowrimo time again!!!! Here is the first chapter of my new story. It's a good start for sure.

Facts the numbers: word count 2,435. since it is the 1st chapter that si also the grand total.

White fluffy clouds lazily floated across the blue summer sky. Max stood there looking out at the world in front of him. The water below the sky was calm except for the occasional motorboat that sped by some with water skiers trailing behind them have a fun time. Several sailboats with colorful sails floated along the water taking advantage of the nice genital breeze. The world was showing off its best most perfect side this day.

Max smiled and took in a deep breath. ‘This is as good of time as any to see how this knee is doing. Hopefully it has healed like the doctors said it would.’ Take it easy, go slow till I can feel what it can do then build up from there.

Down the hill from where Max was standing a family was setting up a picnic table. The little girl set what she was carrying down on the table and looked up the hill. She squinted and put her hand over her eyes so she could see him better. “It’s him.”

The boy came around, “Who him,” he asked looking up where she was looking.

“Sifu Max,” she answered happily. “Mom can I run up there and say hi to him? Please.”

Her mom looked up the hill at where Max was standing. A small smile crept on her face. “Sure honey you can go say hi to him. Tell him I said hi also.”

“Ok I will,” she went running up the hill.

The boy jetted after her, “Hey I’m coming also.”

The dad shouted, “Becarefull you two and stay between the hill where he is at and here.”

“Don’t take to long,” the mom added, “I want to eat here soon.” She we setting up the table.

“That’s right and you two better come when we call you,” dad said. “Do you two here hear me?”

“Yes,” came a collectively from the kids as they were running up the hill.

On top of the hill Max was in a brief metatave state when this other guy walk up to him, “Looks like you have a fan club.” He pointed to the kids running up the hill.

“Looks like it Master,” Max said as he opened his eyes and saw them coming up to where they were.

“Max, Max,” the girl was saying. “are you going to start teaching again soon?”

“Hi Elise, who’s your friend,” Max smiled as the two made it up there.

She looked over to the boy like she forgot he was there, “Oh him he is Antonio.”
“And Antonio he is a friend,” Max asked with a wink in his eye?

Elise caught the wink in Max’s eye, “Oh no he’s not a friend.”

“Hey,” Antonio heard the tone in her voice. “What’s that suppose to mean?”

Elise looked to Max then back over to Antonio, “No he’s moms boyfriend son.”

Max heard the boyfriend part and tried not show it on his face, “Nice to meet you Antonio.”

“Hi,” Antonio responded. “Elise has talked about all this stuff that you are able to do. I want to see it.”

Max chuckled, “Well it depends on what kind of stuff you are talking about.”

“That you can fly like a dragon, fight like a tiger, and jump around like a monkey,” Antonio said.

“Oh,” Max said. “I’m not sure about the flying part but that is some of the forms that we teach and the kung fu school if you are interested in joining us.”

“All ways the salesman,” the master said.

“Hi master Jack,” Elise waved at the kung fu master standing there just behind Max.

“Hi Elise how are things going,” Jack asked?

“Aren’t you going to show us what you can do,” Antonio interjected?

“I’m not sure what I can do right now,” Max said. “The doctors just cleared me to start working out again.”

Antonio had a look of disappointment on his face, “I want to see some thing.”

Elise shot a nasty glare at Antonio, “That’s rude of you. He hasn’t be able to work out because he was injured in a fall during one of his expeditions.”

“Really,” Antonio said. “What does he do?”

Max looked at the kids all ready acting like siblings, “I hunt for ancient knowledge
and artifacts.”

“That sounds boring,” Antonio responded. “What’s good about old stuff anyways? My dad has this dusty old case with a funny looking gun in it. The gun doesn’t even work.”

“I wonder if it’s a Tommy gun,” Jack commented.

“Don’t know but I would like to see it,” Max said. “Maybe we could get it fixed up.”

“If that’s what you want to do I can ask my dad to see it,” Antonio said. “But it is boring and old.”

Max laughed at that, “That’s ok with me I like old stuff.”

“Hey Antonio and Elise time for lunch,” Roberto shouted up to the kids.

Elise smiled turned to Max, “Want to join us?” Then shouted down the hill, “Can Master Jack and Max join us!”

Roberto kind of frowned at the question he heard from Elise and didn’t answer her back. Katlin saw his look, “Don’t worry we are just friends, have been for a long long time. Besides that she truly looks up to him.”

He looked at her, “That just the problem isn’t it. He is more of a father figger then I am. I should be her father shouldn’t I?”

“I guess that’s all up to you. Jealousy doesn’t fit you,” Katlin answered. “We have enough food for a couple of extra, if we are going to have extra then those two are good people to have. You’d like them if you get to know them.”

“I don’t know about that. That martial arts stuff, just to much whooy for my taste.” Roberto said. He saw her look, “But for you I will try.” He turned back up the hill, “If they want to join they are welcome to.”

Antonio took off running down the hill.

Elise heard that and turned to Max,” did you hear that you can join us.” She reached for Max’s hand, “Come on.”

“Hold on,” Max said. “I want to do a little work out here with Master Jack.” She was looking disappointed, “Tell you mom I said hi and that I’ll be down there here in a bit ok.”

“Awe, ok,” she answered.

Max patted her on the shoulder, “Now get down there before your mom gets mad at the both of us.” He smile.

She smile back up to him then ran off down the hill. “Hey mom he said he’ll come down after they do a work out. Want to see how the knee is doing.” She got to the table and sat down.
“That good now what do you want to eat honey,” Katlin asked as she had an empty plate in her hand? “Some papato salad. What kind of sandwich?”

“I’ll take the ham sandwich,” Elise answered. She took the plate from her mom. “Thanks mom.”

They started eating as the other people in the park were going about their day. The kids running around play on the playground. Several people young and old fishing off the pier. Master Jack and Sifu Max were doing their work out on the little hill. Laughter filled the warm summer air.

A short time later Antonio was finished with his meal, “Can I go over to the water?”

“Only if Elise goes along with and nether of you can go in it yet,” Roberto answered his son. “Stay with in sight.”

“Yes dad,” Antonio said. He hopped off the bench and ran over to the water.

“Go ahead and keep an eye on him Elise,” Katlin said.

“Awe mom I want to stay here. I’m not done eating yet,” Elise pleaded with her mom not to go wanted to stay here for when Max was able to come down and join them.

“We all will be here along with the food if you want more later,” Katlin said. “Now go join Antonio. Have fun now because school will be starting here in a few weeks.”

“Did you have to remind me about that mom,” Elise asked. “I’m not ready to go back to school. I have so much more I want to do this summer. Like travel, aren’t we going to go on a trip this year? With grandpa and grandma?”

“You know honey that we can’t take a trip this year. Maybe next summer we’ll go up to Chicago but not now,” Katlin answered knowing this wasn’t the answer that her daughter wanted to hear.

“Well fine,” Elise got up from the bench. “Maybe I’ll see if Max will take me on one of his adventures when starts going on them again.” She walks off towards the water where Antonio is at.

“That’s not a nice thing to say young lady,” Katlin told her daughter as she was walking off.

“See that’s what I’m worried about,” Roberto said. “This guy maybe nice and has been your friend for a long time but I think he has to much influence on Elise. Some times it seems she is his daughter…”

“Stop that,” she interrupted him. “You know that Elise father died tragically before she was born. We were both lucky that Max was in our lives. Yes Max and I were very close at one point but ended up going our separate ways in that aspect of our lives. But that doesn’t mean he’s not a good man, good friend, and a great teacher.”

“Ok Ok,” Roberto tried to stop her. “I don’t want to argue. It’s such a nice day I don’t want anything to ruin it. I just want to best for us, all of us.”

“I know you do,” Katlin said calming down. “You just have to realize that Max is one of my long friends and he’ll be apart of our lives.”

Elise, who was still in a sour mood had walked over to where Antonio was standing, “I wish I could see more of the world like you have.”

“Huh,” he hadn’t noticed that she had walked up to him. “All I have been to is Chicago, well between there and here.”

“I bet it’s funnier up there,” Elise said staring down into the water.

“I don’t know about that. There is a whole lot more people that’s for sure and for the 4th there is a big huge thing in down town by the lake. Fireworks, tons of food it’s a great party,” Antonio answered her as he stared out over the water. “Something doesn’t feel right here. It feels bad.”

“Oh don’t be a baby,” Elise responded to Antonio’s last statement.

“I’m not a baby,” Antonio huffed. “I’m not even a year younger then you.” He backed off the shore a little bit.

Elise looked up to see what Antonio was looking at, “What in the world is that?”

The gray circle swirled just above the water next to the shore. “I don’t know but I don’t like it,” Antonio answered as he back away still looking at it.

“I agree with you on that,” She started backing away also.

Master Jack and Max had picked up the weapons they had brought to work out with and started down the hill towards the picnic table when they heard a thunderous clap, “Where did that come from?” Max looked around, “it’s not suppose to rain today.”

“Yea last I heard there is a small chance in the middle of the week but that’s it,” Jack commented as he looked sky ward to find where the noise came from.

Then they heard the screams that came from shore. Max’s head turned to where he heard the screams and saw the kids, Elise was sitting on her butt and Antonio was grabbing for her to get her back on her feet. Max broke into a ran towards the kids the best he could.
Jack started after Max when he looked and saw the same thing Max did. As he ran that way he unsheathed his kwon-do for what he saw that came out of the gray cloud, “Do you see that thing,” Jack yelled to Max.

“What in the world is that thing,” Max answered as he took got his tai-chi sword to a more battle ready stance.

Several things came out of the gray swirling cloud. Hunched, dark grayish to black wielding ugly sword like weapons head straight towards the kids. A couple of them were looking around. One gurgled out something like he was the leader and pointed to the kids. Four of them grabbed the kids and started quickly as they could back towards the cloud.

“Let go of them,” Max shouted at the creatures.

That got one of them attention and it stepped towards Max ready to stop this human from intruping their task.

Max’s knee was hurting bad all ready from he all out run by the time he makes it to them. In one quick motion he unsheathed his sword and cut down one of the creatures. He saw that most of the raiding party had all ready gone back into the cloud. So with all that he could muster he jumped into the gray swirling cloud.

Jack right behind him took the second one out just as fast and jumped towards the cloud. He threw he kwon-do forward into the cloud in a vain effort to keep the cloud from disappearing. As the cloud disappeared it ripped the kwon-do from his hands jerking him forward into the water. Jack landed in the water with a splash. Standing there in waist high water Jack was frantically looking around trying to find Max and the kids.

“What the hell is going on here,” Roberto exclaimed as he and Katlin came running up to see Master Jack standing in the water.

“Where are the kids,” Katlin was looking around also with tears in her eyes? “What the hell are those things?”

Everyone that had come running towards to commotion saw the two dead things lying on the ground. Some back away in discuse, few stepped closer. An officer that was in the area stepped up, “No one touch those things. It could be dangerous. Please stay back.” He got on his radio,” this is officer Johnson I need back up and a CSI team at Admiral’s Slip Park. Have two dead bodies plus..”

The dispatcher came back, “Plus what officer Johnson?”

“Unknown as of now,” Johnson answered.

I hope that works, been awhile since i've done a cut post. or i should say jsut a post here.
later
g

if

2007-09-10T05:53:56Z

If you really want to here stuff about me then look here
http://www.myspace.com/errantknightzan
basically my life is not much to write about.
but since it is september that means Nanowrimo is coming up in a couple of months, November.
still haven't decieded if I'll use this as my post place for my story again this year. It's probley the top choice since it is so easy to post to and is what I have used for the last 5 years. we'll see.
later
g

P.S.
There is no threesome midgits. I don't like crowds. So it's just me and my amputee goth chick. haha right whatever.

here and there

2007-07-09T03:23:46Z

i know i haven't posted here to much lately. nothing much excieting has happened to me as of late. I'm still looking for a place. still waiting to see what my raise at work is going to be, holdoing out little hope that it is more then the normal yearly raise. why because i'm training managers that they have put in other stores and givin promotions and stuff. funny thing, i'm good enough to train this guys and yet i'm not good enough for the pormotions myself. hum well that's that.

i wish some of my old friends would would come back to eq. i still play. still have fun but miss some of my old friends that i use to play with. well even as i type this i'm on eq on the other computer trying to get a group and go hunt some where.

more later
g

It was fun

2007-05-17T04:33:32Z

The day was sunny; there was a light breeze that felt good for the crowds. That same breeze played havic with the fire eater. His show was good and very funny. The gipyes danced on the stage looking very alluring in their skimpy outfits. Oh yea. There were all sorts of swashbucklers, swordsman & woman, bar wenches, fops, and royalty about the area. Even some elves showed up. Let me tell you there were a couple of those elves that looks really beautiful. My sister, my nephew, and me shot the bow and arrows. My sister and my nephew did the throwing knives also, I did the throwing axes. My sister liked the throwing knives. It was cool watching my sis and her son throwing knives and shooting arrows side by side on mother’s day. I have to admit that is something I never thought I would say about my sister, having fun with the knives and arrows. I guess after all these years I can still learn something new about my sis. We got to see a joust. Before it started there was taunting between the audiences on each side, reminded me of the Knights Tale stuff, very enjoyable. Then the Knights came out. There were 4 of them for this event. There is nothing like the sound of lances hitting full plate armor or of swords hitting that same armor. It was a very enjoyable. I had a fun time that day. I’m all ready planning to go to it next year. When my mom gets the video of the day on to dvd I plan to put up some clips, the ones that can be seen good, not the ones I messed up. Look for those soon. Fun is had by all.
Later
G

an update

2007-04-25T07:05:13Z

well i built a new computer recentally. i got it a 500 gig hd. so here are some facts
new computer 500gig hd new computer is computer 3 that i have built up
computer2 one hd 120 gig and another one at 160 gig for a total of 280 gig
also got an extrenal hd it is 250 gig.
500+280+250 is 1030 gig or a terabit worth of stroage space. i think i have enough room for storage for a little while haha and that doesn't include my first computer for which i'm cleaning and give my cosun and my laptop. i'm good for computers right now.

i've spending my off days looking at houses. my credit rateing has gone up. i have quite a bit of money saved up. it's been way to long. such a long road getting out of the dept i was in. i can't wait to have my own kichten, i just hope my stuff is still good after sitting in stroage for so long. i'll find out soon.

other then that work is the same old stuff. but i have a plan. use the fact that i have had a stabel job for al these years to get into a place of my own. then find out what i need for expences and such. apply for grants and what ever else i can get, i want to stay away from loans if i can. then find a job that will work with me going back to college, hopefully as soon as this fall but since it is all ready may that may not be possible now. but i have waited this long six more months wont make a difference.

it feels good to actually be able to have plans. to really make them and work for them. it feels like something that i was missing for such a long time. no fire in my eyes, my shoulders weighed down with all the dept i was in. it's not a wonder why some one doesn't even talk to me any more or even anolage my exestance.
well it's 3am i need to head to bed so i can get up and use the day to look around at places. i have a couple of leads. with any luck one will pan out.

Funny

2007-04-05T09:41:37Z

I started a myspace page the other day. A couple of friends and I worked on it a bit while we were at dinner. We had just got it started, just very basic profile stuff on it the place we wer at was closing so we had to stop working on the page. In the time we stop that and I finially made it home wasn't even 3 hours probley less, I had all ready gotten an message on my page. They said they liked what they saw on my page. Ok what did they like? my name? my age? the fact i am a pisces? or is it where I live? I don't have any pics on my myspace still, I didn't have any interst on there yet and only 2 friends, one being that Tom dude at the time. So what did they like about me, hahahaha. Yes it was spam and by the next day that profile of that nice looking lady was all ready deleted. I found it very funny

a quote

2007-03-31T04:10:03Z

You get what every one else gets............A Life

My Mind

2007-03-29T18:47:03Z

I write a letter saying
How much I miss her
How much I love her
How much I wish she loved me the same
Should I send it
What would it do
She has gotten over me
Left me behind
Why Can't I do the same
Am I a fool for not moving on
She fills my thoughts more times then I can count
I no not what to do
or even how to do it

today

2007-03-15T02:23:53Z

It was a good day. I was having fun. That's when I saw her. She was in the arms of this other guy all happy and such. So now I'm stuck feeling so tossed aside and all that crap again. My heart skipped a bit when I saw her. I so did love her, thought of her as my best friend some one i could spend the rest of our lifes together. And now nothing, 6 years I thought something speical of her and us but now there is totally nothing. Like i don't exiest or something like that. Why am I obbessing over this. I should move on, hell she did. I need to just be me. I'm doing good with so many other things in life.
So why when I saw her so briefelly did it ruin my whole day? I guess I miss her so much. I miss Alex, I thoguht of her as a daughter even though she wasn't really mine. Still all the same I still remember the night she was born. I closed the store I was working at and went up to the hosspital. She was just a few hours old when I was her for the first time. A cold decemeber night and I was so excieted entering the hosspital they were at. I just need to take the good memeries and move on. I hate that I feel that way.
No more for now. I need to head off to bed early day of work tomorrow.

here and there

2007-03-13T07:54:31Z

I'll be around if anyone wants to talk. if not i'll still be around. i'll be no where, no one, no place.
later
g

a real kind of poem

2007-03-02T09:05:28Z

ok here it is, about a week past from what i promessed but i found it a bit harder then i thought to find an ending that i liked.

Tracks

A dark start lit night
Staring down the tracks
Waiting in the cold night air
Right on time a dot of light appears
The shrill whistle lets me know it has made it to the crossing
The light gets brighter as it gets closer
The silhouette of the monstrous engine forms
My heart quickens in anticipation
Lager the engine’s silhouette grows
The dot of light floods my sight
The power of the engine courses threw my soul as the train courses down the tracks
Waving at the engineer as he passes just a couple of feet from me.
He blows the whistle that reverberates threw my being.
“Grandpa I want to work on trains just like you.”
I saw the little boy I was so many years ago at the train yard.
My course was as clear as the tracks
“Would you still want to be an astronaut even after the tragic loss of the Space shuttle Challenger”
“Yes,” my course was as clear as the stars I wanted to visit.
“Ready to go to college?”
“Yes,” my course was still ahead of me
“It is said there is a stealth plane now.”
“Would I love to be a test pilot to fly something like that.”
My course was high in the sky.
“Yes I will marry you. I love you forever.”
Our lives were down the same paths.
The shrill whistle brought me back to the here and now.
I see the little red flashing dot that ended the train.
It has passed me by.
Leaving me standing out in the cold night.
By the tracks

hope you like, comments are welcome.
on other news i think i have my chr list for a new plot line i have been working on this year.
later
g

you know

2007-03-02T08:56:11Z

when you shop at a store to much when they send you a birthday card. anyway they probley do that to every one that has a best buy card. i got 12% off of something and that thing was a bluetooth headset for my phone. i don't get that many calls any more but now i have a nice head set for my phone, why i don't know. also when i was pairing my head set to my phone i finially found out how to bluetooth sink my phone to my laptop. so kind of cool. now i wonder how long it will be before i get my first call so i can see how well this thing works or doesn't work. if it doesn't work to well i hope i get that call before the return peorid, haha.

Some days

2007-02-25T07:56:53Z

are better then others. This is not one of them. I'm so tried, so alone. I'm tired of being told I'm not good enought to be 1st asst. or a manager after all I gave up for that place. I'm tired of being alone. I feel that I have wasted my life. I'm tired of that feeling.
So very tired.
Tired of it all.
Tired
Tired
Tired
I wish sleep would help with this kind of tired but something much more that is needed.

A stark realization

2007-02-23T08:06:45Z

So today at work we watched the security video from the other morning. it was just after 3am a couple hours after the night crew had left the store and before the openers had came in. anyway to make a long story short a stack of the tea cups flew off the counter and landing on the floor. yes a new store and it is haunted.
so here is what i thought. when i was in really bad shape and thought about wanted to get away from it all like life. if i had done it and commeted sucide the karmatic backlash would have been-- being stuck haunting a mcdonalds like this poor soul i have now at my store. so now that's a very very good reason not to do it, hahahahahahahahahahhahahaahahahaahaha.
so my thoughts are on the strainge and wierd side right now. i actually have this poem, not a rant like most of my stuff is but a real poem. i like it but it is on my laptop right now. so i'm going to do one more re-read and re-edit and i'll post it by the end of the weekend.

so sad

2007-02-19T07:38:58Z

No man should out live his fictional wizard boo who

Dreadful

2007-01-28T07:49:40Z

Tonight i found out that Krispy Kreeme's is no longer 24/7. They close at 1am now. What am I going to do now? *looks around lost*

my one potical rant of the year

2007-01-25T08:05:51Z

at work i normally have cnn or sports on the tv. tonight since the ut game wasn't on (and now that i found out the score and what happened i would have been more upset) i had cnn on.
the show Nancy Grace. normally she really anoids me. but the story tonight really gets to me.
the city of palm beach is sueing Donald Trump. Why? Because at his place down there he is flying an American Flag to high, oh yea the flag is also to big. The Donald has all ready paid more then $23,000 in fines. Now when did it become illegel to fly the flag on privet porperty? well im Palm Springs you can not even hang a flag over your balicany but yet you can burn the flag in the town sq, it's law. Now this pisses me off. I believe in free speach totally. that means if i'm mad at the government and want to show it by burning the flag then i should be able to. But if I like this country and am proud to live here, then i should be able to fly the flag on my property. i can also make the aurgument that there should be rules on hight and size of the flag if you are in say a urben area where there are powerlines and stuff like that are involved. From the pics that is not the case for the Donalds flag. One Palm Springs rep says that the Donald didn't get the right permits to fly it. Donald himslef said he did go thew the right chanels and even one of the high ups in Palm Springs government is on Donalds side. it is going to federal court and this could turn out to be a freedum of speach suit. In that case like him or hate him I hope the Donald wins.
Oh yea one thing. if flying the flag offinds you then maybe you should move to a country whos' flag you like. I don't agree with some of the stuff the government has done over the years. but you know what at least in this country I know I have a chance to make it, one way or another, happiness, money, or what ever would make my life complete. at least i have the chance here in the U.S.A.
I may complain. I know I get depressed but really I have a good life. I can say if I didn't screw up here or there maybe I'd have a better life but that's my fault.
I have travel much of this country and it is a bieutiful place from sea to sea. Some times I wish I could be farmer and live off the land in the plain states. Or I should have been a truck driver so I can drive around this country. I wanted to be a pilot when I was growing up, I have always loved flying over this land and stairing out the windows.
Yes if I had the money that The Donald has I would have a place like his and Yes I would be flying a flag like his, Hell I would get one with the gold frills around it.
The rockets red glare showed that our Flag was still there.......

Judgement Day

2007-01-23T09:25:12Z

today i went to take a polligraph test. i guess i pasted he said he doesn't think i took the money. my left hand was shaking so bad when i took it. it was a first for me. i can't wait untill this is all over. it's a pain in the butt for sure. that's all i'm going to say about it.
next--
blank
my life is so boring now.
i'm still wokring up a new story plot and hopefully start writing the actual story here soon.
i need to get something done so i can at least try and get it published.
i need a new job with better hours so i can get back into classes. i want to take some creitvie writing stuff and science stuff also. i wonder what pay i can take to be able to afford it all, the living expencises ad classes.
my head hurts so i guess i should head off to bed and sleep some. i guess i don't wnat to yet.
later

I want you to meet

2007-01-21T08:11:12Z

Captain Dunziel
who is he? he is me. now i'm not sure if i spelled it correctally but if you want to know what it means or how i got such a title then you just to find the reference i'm useing.
it was in a book origanally, can't think of the title at this time.
or in one of the epsoides of Star Trek TOS. Captain Kirk was also giving this title when the Enterprise was fitted with the M5 computer. He has to explain what it was to Mr. Spock.
So that's how I feel.

I feel as though i have now lived my life in insanity with only breif times of sanity.
Here is the question. Why have i spent so many year at a place where I don't even like the staple foods? I really don't like Big Macs and I'm not a fry person, only eating them once in a blue moon. I give my loyality and so many years all for not. I suspose I could get me a crappy little apt. some where and just work there as what i am for the rest of my life only coming home to maybe write on the computer or play net games. stay single and be a lonely old fart (probley horny also).
Or I can do something about it.
I want to choose the later. I really need to get over this self lothing before it distories me.

OK if extra feet are handy is extra hands feety?

read at own risk

2007-01-19T08:49:58Z

*slap slap* that's me getting slaped in the face. oh yes more and more i get kicked around. thrown aside yet again!!
What more can i say. there is nothing more to say. My only consolation is that they promoted some one that can do the job. at least she is a smart person and will do a good job not like some of the managers they have promoted ahead of me that couldn't even work the computer with out crashing it or took 3 times to past the stupid commensence government serve safe test before they could pass it. i can say she deserves it and i know she can do it and i'm happy for her. BUT i was told i'm not ready. 16 years i have waisted in a dead in job. i know more then most. or so i thought. i gues i know jack crap. i can't do the job, i'm not a good manager. why cause i don't know what else i can do, i know i'm weak on the floor control but i get job done. i'm a quite person. i like it when i can look at a person and they know i'm not happy with them and want them to do thier job with out me haveing to say much, and it goes the other way around if they get smile and a 'good job' from me then they know they did good. i use few words. i guess that's not management style.
So *kick kick* go ahead and kick me when i'm down. kick harder might as well. does it matter. do i matter. i mean nothing. i'm nothing. that's what i've been told so i guess it's true. so kick me toss me aside use me what ever the fuck. i know life isn't easy but dang this is really gettng to me.
haha there goes my nose bleeding again second night in a row. my natural reastion is to stop it. so i now type with one hand and try and stop it with the other.
i'm so stressed and angry now. i need a kick boxing bag to kick and punch to take out some of this other wise i'm going to pop a vessil other then in my nose.
i don't what more to say. if i leason to all these people i'm nothing, stupid, jsut something to be used and then tossed aside. i was picked on in grade school,& high school kids can be so cruel but it still goes on and on and on and i don't know why.
*laying in the floor feeling every kick in the ribs, every punch in face, every smack in the shins, every cruel insuilt that has been cursed at me* if i go crazy and do something very drastic don't be susprise. let's just hope it something for the positive in my life.
must pick myself off the floor. must not believe all these people. need to find who i really am. can't let myself die as much as it seems i want to just let go.
God i need some help right now before bad goes to worse and i start believing that i truelly am nothing and that i don't really matter.

new

2007-01-12T08:45:55Z

this week i have been working on a new story plot. i have sevaral of the chacters names all ready. the start of it and most of the plot. i have been in a creative state of mind which is a good thing.
also to break my boring life style this last tues i went bowling with this gal from work. it was fun. it's been a while since i have bowled and it showed. still that didn't matter i had fun and then afterwards we went to dinner. basically tues was a very good day.
well it's late and i need to sleep.
later
g

now i know

2006-12-31T08:24:30Z

I'm not an idoit. I had this call thurs night at midnight. The guy said we left out stuff of his order. I said ok what did we leave out. Susprisily it was 3 of our most expencive sandwiches, spiecal orders also along with 3 large fries. That raised a question in my mind so I asked him when he had came in and he said only about 30 minutes before. So my responce was Sir we closed at 11pm and it is midnight. Oh that pissed him off. He started to tell me in so many crud words that I was the lier and that we were a 24/7 store and that we were open and that he did get shorted he food and he was coming back here in a few minutes to get his replacement. I told him that there was nothing I could do for him that we did close at 11pm and was about to head out the doors so no one was going to be here and if he had a problem with that call back in the morning and talk to my gm and my name is gary.
so like i said i'm not an idoit and i know my job.
but i'm a fool. i'm told i need to let go but i'm haveing a hard time doing it. i had a good christmas but yet there was this huge hole in my heart that brings me down. i can be doing ok and then something or even nothing brings my mind on it and there i go i'm depressed again.
i'm not sure i really want to even try a relationship again. the heart ache it tough to handle.
a side note 2006 is an 8 year and in numberoligy that is a year of money. that heald true for me. my finical situtation is the best it has been in several years. i'm ending this year in a good note. so now 2007 is a 9 year. that means a time of enlightement. so only time will tell. all i know is that i need to rethink my life and where i'm at. i need to get other things going and not get side tracked so easily.
Happy new year
g

a christmas wish

2006-12-23T07:41:06Z

I wish she felt of me as I feel of her.
I miss her.
Christmas is not the same with out her.

ohyea

2006-12-14T07:13:23Z

I have such a headache tonight. But it was worth it. hahahahah
Live caribou makes quite a mess on the carpet.

update

2006-12-10T08:18:11Z

Ok on the way home actually when I was taking one of my crew members home not just one but two seperate black cats cross my path on different streets. the second one even stopped on the other side of the street or the side i was on (driverside) sat down and truned and looked right at me as i was looking towards him. it was strainge for sure. kayla joked about me even making it home.

anyway when i got to work today i read the managers log and the opening manager left me a couple of nasty note critizing my closing from the night before. now ok if i missed something find tell me and i'll make sure it's done the next night but if you are going to spread lies about what is then you are treding on some thin ice. another words he pissed me off so bad. i even jumped on another manager, one who i like and is a good manager and person. but as it was i was so pissed off that i called lomile. i had to, i told him that if this othere manager thinks he can doing the closing better then he can. i'll put my store keys in the safe and go home and help my dad finish off putting in the wood floor at thier house. use my time more effenantally. well lomile and i had about a 45 minute talk. we calarfied quite a few things. like the romor i heard about who's in charge while lomile is on vacation and lomeli told me it was me. and as for being the weaklink the converation that we had in the office yesturday (or friday) he was meaning my own personal weakness, one that i have known for a while that lomeli knows of, one that i have tried to work on. it's hard much harder then i thought. basically floor control, i use to be really good at it but since i have been back as a manager i have had problems with it. all most to the point of being timd or a wuss. i don't know why maybe a part of my depression or deep down not wanting to be where i'm at.
what ever it is at this point i don't know what to do about it. but yes things aren't as bad as i thought they were. i still think i need to reavalate my life before it is over and i've done nothing. i may think like an elf but i'm in a human body and they don't last forever.
so i'm going to enjoy the holliday season and i think this winter down here in e.t. were are going to finially get a reall good snow. i just hope i'm here at home and not at work, those work building the resturants with all that glass windows and stuff even a new building like my store is will get quite cold if the power is out. at least here at home i have a fire place and some nice warm blanketsto curl up in. oh yea don't forget a good book to read or write.
as for this one manager, if he wants to mess with he'll find out something that not many know of me. i have a long memery and i tend to hold gruges a but to long. and if i'm pushed i will push back.
Never meddle in the affiars of dragons because you are crunchy and taste good with katchup.
spelling aside as it is late or really early i'm posting this with out any checks cause i need to say this.
later
g